open beer
It’s Wiesn-season and although the nice waitress already filled the Stein for you (see picture above) it might come handy in other situations to know how to open beer bottles with practically everything that you can grab. It is not only a stereotype that Germans can open Kronkorken with other bottles, lighters, cutlery or body parts even – no, we are born with that ability and we will teach you how to acquire it as well. It might save you from dying of thirst in many situations like for example on top of a mountain with your Gipfelhalbe (summit beer) – no need to thank us!

The physics behind it

Before we start, I would like to talk about the basics behind it. I think you might have heard it before, but around 85% of the Germans are engineers and as opening a crown cap is just simple geometry and physics, it’s an easy exercise for them. It’s all about leverage, torque and force so you might wanna refresh your knowledge about Newtonian mechanics first. (No need to read up on quantum mechanics – we can define the location and the impulse of the cap with adequate accuracy.)

The favourite tools

Great, now that you know the theory, we can continue to the practical application. Most important for not hurting yourself is that your preferred lever rests on your first knuckle, which you position as closely under the cap as possible but leaving just enough space to fit the lever. Don’t use your phalanxes or any other knuckle, they’re more sensitive. From that point, there are tons of videos on this internetz that try teaching you, so we have handpicked a few of them:

The TOP 5 ways to open beer bottles like ze Germans:

5. Beginner: lighter

4. Advanced: pocket rule

3. Pro: bills

2. Ninja: machete

1. German: other bottle

For deterrence we also want to showcase the worst ways to do it, but we strongly advise against doing so:

The FLOP ways to open beer bottles:

Masochist: eye socket

Dentist’s best customer: teeth

So if you followed us all the way through, then you should by now be able to open any crown cap with almost anything (don’t try the FLOP ones!) and all that is left to say is: Prost!

Written by Tom

Day-time engineer (of course!), free-time vinyl-nudger and uber-organised model citizen. When living together with Julia, we never thought we could be good examples.

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